Nothing lasts forever. Nothing! Even our Earth is supposedly destined to cease existence by the realistic date of 2012. Time is branded as eternal and yet it was only yesterday when I shed my California spring skin for the luxurious summer months of New Jersey (oh, where did they go...). Our days surrender to nightfall and darkness is rudely interrupted by mesmerizing light. Periods end both my sentences and my appetite. The majesty of relationships comes and goes while the great-grandparents who slipped you candy and money and maintained some sort of normalcy in your deranged family wisely passed away. Piercing procrastination eventually subsides and each personality of the beloved bipolar patient clocks out for the other, and the detrimental confusion and frustration evaporates in the ozone layer of attention deficit disorder. And even my random cathartic rants include conclusion paragraphs. There is not one thing in this life that can be definitively imprinted with an everlasting quality. Nothing, except for football.
America's real favorite pastime is relentless. It is the essence of the devoted sports fan, and the sole athletic priority of the less-than-or-equal-to casual one. It is an intangibly glorious epoch that can be played, observed, debated and admired year-round. Sure, the whistle blows after three hours, but the play clock ignores the delay-of-game penalty flag as February flashes by. Our time spent pining throughout the offseason and irrationally number-crunching at the blink of a Favre is only outdone by our passion. Our obsessive compulsive, production-derailing passion. And the distinct magnitudes of fantasy and reality in football are seamlessly intertwined in a distorted cloud of vision that deems everything else in this world worthless, I tell you, worthless!
Therapists have insisted that I start keeping a journal.
Dear Diary,
I have trouble falling asleep at night. My destructive and intrusively racing thoughts distract me from the pure good that goes unnoticed, preventing that sweet blissful payoff. Subsequently, here are my sleeper picks for the upcoming fantasy football season:
-Chad Henne (QB/MIA): Henne is ready to elevate his game as a leader and the league's next statistical arm. With Brandon Marshall's arrival satisfying his ability to throw deep and an established formidable running game, this is undoubtedly a top-5 offense in the works. He will be lucky to be drafted amongst the first fifteen quarterbacks, but this Dolphin's numbers should prove that to be a mistake, swimmingly. Moreover, Henne's success will hopefully pave the path of stardom for...
-Davone Bess (WR/MIA): The attention paid to Marshall should leave the middle of the field wide open for the next Wes Welker of the AFC East. From his productive undrafted career at Hawaii to his steadily solid and escalating performances in his first few years, Bess is showing he can be one of the most attractive #2 wideouts in upcoming rankings.
-Alex Smith (QB/SF): Not one person needs to succeed more than Smith, but after gaining some confidence at the end of last year, he joins the best surrounding cast of his career. This former number one pick now has the wisdom to finally unleash his potential and avoid the invitation to JaMarcus Russell's couch.
-Carolina Panthers Offense: This is definitely a rebuilding year, and yet the Panthers have never accepted such in the past. There have been cases in recent history where the influx of Saviors (Philip Rivers; Brady Quinn) were betrayed in their first years (Drew Brees; Derek Anderson), and Matt Moore can do the same to Jimmy Clausen. Also watch out for underclassmen Brandon LaFell (WR) and Gary Barnidge (TE) to emerge, because...well somebody has to, which should end a foreseeable slump for Steve Smith by the second half.
-Julian Edelman (WR/NE): Whether Wes Welker is officially back in pads on Sundays by Week 1 or Week 17, it isn't fair to believe he will contribute Wes Welker after major knee reconstruction. Tom Brady didn't. And he's also not getting any prettier, nor is Randy Moss any younger. Therefore, both from out of the slot and from Wonder Bread's left, prepare for Edelman to be the next borderline average receiver to produce big in New England.
-Legedu Naanee (WR/SD): Unlike Welker, Vincent Jackson is guaranteed to miss indefinite but extensive time. Enter Naanee. From Chris Chambers to Jackson to Malcolm Floyd, San Diego has no problem filling in the number two hole, and Naanee is big and handy and a little foreign - just the way they like them in Cali.
-Fred Jackson (RB/BUF): In an era where running platoons are almost necessary, numerous fantasy standouts are losing worth, and no one is taking a bigger hit right now than Fred Jackson. With Marshawn Lynch still on the trade block and C.J. Spiller realistically defying ignorance to determine his rookie role, Jackson is proving to be the only sure thing. If Steven Jackson can gain 1,400 yards on a pedestrian squad and behind a questionable offensive line and against eight or nine stacked in the box, why can't the other Jackson? You can now grab him as a reserve towards the latter portions of eight-team drafts, so cherish him.
-Ben Tate (RB/HOU): Two years ago, the Texans selected rookie Steve Slaton to provide an electric ground attack, and he sufficed immediately. The difference here is that Tate can potentially pound the rock and hold on to it consistently for a longer period.
-Cincinnati Bengals Defense: If you witnessed the Hall of Fame Game this past Sunday, then this isn't a huge secret anymore. They were superb in the red zone, only surrendering field goals. This is a crew with playmaking ability that is finally healthy and out of handcuffs, and they are ready to make sacks and turnovers.
-New York Giants Defense: A former top-5 certainty and powerhouse. Injuries and egos. Five 40+ point debacles. And if presented with the opportunity, there would have to be crap left for me to draft them. But they can't go anywhere but up. They are determined to leave the hot seat, and they are healthy. A crowded and disgruntled defensive line will emerge into the Giants of old.
Dear Diary,
I recently tried out group. It blows. They say when depression beckons, I'm supposed to just ignore it. Some instances are more tempting than others, but I'm trying nonetheless. Here's a list of "triggers" that I recommend staying away from (or at least thinking twice about):
-Drew Brees (QB/NO): Obviously, Brees is an elite quarterback across the board and will rightfully be drafted high. Perhaps he is going too high, though. A year removed from his 5,000 yard campaign, that total dropped significantly last season, and despite leading in touchdowns, cosmological box scores landed inconsistently. Now add the pressure and dubious luck of defending a title, and the fact that no one is sharing the notorious Madden cover with him to help refract the curse. Unless he slides anyway, if you're confident that you can wait for Matt Schaub or Tony Romo for your next selection, draft a star receiver instead of Brees.
-Kevin Kolb (QB/PHI) and Matt Leinart (QB/ARI): I am ascertained foolish every single year by immediately discounting first-time-starting quarterbacks, only for them to continuously dish out solid seasons. Of course, that doesn't change how they never have enough astounding evidence to pronounce them worthy, and these two guys are no different.
Sidney Rice (WR/MIN): As brilliant as Rice proved to be last year, one breakout season does not ensure permanent recognition. He faces a lot more adversity than, say, a Miles Austin only because it still isn't certain who will be throwing him the football, making his appropriate draft slot fuzzy. By the way, I hate that I even have to say it, but don't draft Brett Favre. Just don't. And I said that last year, as well....
-Roddy White (WR/ATL): His on-field opposite - Michael Jenkins - will most likely miss opening week or more, but even with him being there, and with an aging Tony Gonzalez and with a raw Harry Douglas coming off of injury, it isn't enough to draw defenders away from White. He'll get his, but not enough for you to fall in love with him.
-Steven Jackson (RB/STL): Remember the aforementioned praise I just awarded to him? Well, that can only survive for so long. And whether his back is healed or not, it seems inevitable that he will be hit. A lot. Rookie quarterback Sam Bradford doesn't ease any apprehension, either.
-Brandon Jacobs (RB/NYG): Jacobs vows to bounce back from a weak showing in 2009, but he barely eclipsed 1,000 yards in the only two years he accomplished such. He has never stayed healthy, the offensive line is another year older, and an immobile Ahmad Bradshaw performed Lightning-years better than old Rolling Thunder. Bradshaw should be named the starter by midseason.
-Jahvid Best (RB/DET): Of the five prolific rookie running backs (Best, Spiller, Tate, Ryan Mathews and Montario Hardesty) that possess substantial playing time in the urgent future, Best offers the most caution. Kevin Smith is coming back from a knee injury and may or may not be 100 percent by Week 1 or even the starter, but Best just finished battling his own plethora of ailments, with the headliner being a concussion. Detroit's offensive line isn't impressive anyway, and name me one first-round Lion who shined in his iniating campaign.
-Cincinnati Bengals Offense: As much as I love their defense, that is how much I fear the expectations of the offense. I still do not understand the upside of three middle-aged, grotesquely egocentric wide receivers coexisting on the field and in the locker room for sixteen games, nor do I anticipate the stats that are the only remedy for this unfortunate disease. Carson Palmer is not who he used to be and has to demonstrate otherwise. We haven't seen Jermaine Gresham yet as Marvin's marvel at tight end, and his own injury history can direct his nearsighted success in either direction. And during his only fruitfully positive season, Cedric Benson lost wind in the second half before getting hurt, and just avoided yet another arrest. Everything is too close to call, but I guess it isn't over until the fat lady chokes on a popcorn kernel.
-Washington Redskins Offense: This crop, on the other hand, should definitely prepare themselves for another Haynesworth-type sprint this year. Donovan McNabb cannot be expected to resurrect a team that has less talent at every position than those of Philadelphia. Santana Moss - legal issues aside - has shown he can't be a true number one, and the other receivers have proven even less. Plus, they are going to make the ill decision to start Chris Cooley over Fred Davis. McNabb is praying that Coach Shanahan can revitalize Clinton Portis, or else he will be craving the playoff losses he left behind.
-Baltimore Ravens Defense: It's a good thing that Baltimore isn't required to rely on their defense wholeheartedly anymore, because they just do not have the same firepower. They've held their own for over a decade, but gaping holes in their secondary have never been larger. Terrell Suggs slid heavily after his contract extension a year ago, and Ray Lewis simply does not have too much left in the tank. And now I will not be visiting Maryland unattended anytime soon.
Does therapy work? I would have to say no. All I know is that winning a fantasy championship in the league I founded four long years ago is the only scenario that will make me feel better. My drought will end! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be hallucinating in the corner.