It has been three weeks since Santa Goodell retrieved the NFL DIRECTV package from my dumpster and dropped it back down my chimney, and I am still playing with the bubble wrap, because the true holiday season has officially begun. With the impounding lockout, we almost lost pure American tradition, for fantasy football is as normal and necessary as finding massive socks with gum and deodorant in them hanging from your stairs or throwing plates at your "eggnogged" stepdad. Well, alas, the silverware will still be flying this August, and every draft throughout the nation should be noted and praised upon this barren month of the calender. Of course, the unwelcomed frenzy that was this offseason ruffled some roasted duck feathers in regards to the makeup of these rankings, but it would not be our beloved American pastime without a little chaos.
What's Still Tradition - The one person in the league that will neglect to select a runningback until the third round.
What's Been Lost - A consensus number one pick - Adrian Peterson, Arian Foster and Chris Johnson all look like higher gambles to me than I would prefer.
What's Still Tradition - A man leaving a jail cell to redeem his football career, and thanks for signing with the Jets, Plax...
What's Been Lost - Brett Lorenzo Favre is not on an NFL, CFL, UFL, NAACP or any other depth chart.
What's Still Tradition - The New York Giants endured a terrible free agency period.
What's Been Lost - It was so excruciating that I am now a Buffalo Bills fan.
What's Still Tradition - Kickers will never matter, whether you are victorious from their 14 points or admitted in the hospital after their -8 points.
What's Been Lost - The guy that drafted Rob Bironas with the No. 50 overall pick is not in my league this year.
What's Still Tradition - Myself slaving over my intricate ranking systems for weeks and making bold scary predictions and proclaiming my supposed wisdom via blog and tongue only to pull a Matt Dodge (ugh...) and miss the playoffs in my own commissioned league.
What's Been Lost - Me being wrong this time.
The Kids That Are Somehow Still Not Awake By Ten A.M. While Mountain Bikes And Strippers Wait For Them Under The Tree (a.k.a the Sleeper Picks):
QB - Matt Cassel (KC) - Something tells me this is exactly like the Chad Henne debacle from last season's expose, but I don't care. It is perceived that Cassel cannot elevate to the next level as a leader and playmaker or at least sustain his 2010 success, and it is true that he fizzled in the latter half and the playoffs, but he is certainly adequate enough to thrive with Jamaal Charles, Dwayne Bowe, and the rest of the high-powered offense that surrounds him (as I said of Miami last year...). Look for Steve Breaston to be the most underrated and significant acquisition this offseason as an additional weapon for Cassel.
RB - Rashad Jennings (JAC) - 20-carry workhorses are now an endangered species, and Maurice Jones-Drew might be heading towards the decline as well, even if it is only slightly. During the times when he was either injured, struggling or just splitting carries, Jennings stepped in with two 100+ yard games in those brief opportunities. That eating of touches will continue increasingly, as Jennings' groomed young talent will propel the next quality platoon and handcuff situation.
WR - Pierre Garcon (IND) - He is slated at third on the Colts' depth chart, and he is quite possibly the best third option in the league this season. He did not perform too well in 2010, but Reggie Wayne still is not getting any younger, Dallas Clark hardly played due to injury, and Austin Collie is a candy cane, so Garcon needs to step up for an ailing Peyton Manning.
TE - Jared Cook (TEN) - I would have went with new starter and appointed star-in-the-waiting Jimmy Graham from New Orleans, but everyone talking about him is starting to wake up his status a bit, so I went with the other guy. Cook did present potential last season as a pass-catching tight end that the Titans have not seen from that poisition since Frank Wycheck. Perhaps Tennessee's offense will not be as inept as I envisioned maybe a month ago, with the emergence of Kenny Britt and [hopeful, pending holdout] stability of Chris Johnson, and a youthful flashy tight end is always helpful for an aging pit stop of a quarterback (Matt Hasselbeck) or a rookie (Jake Locker).
DEF - Dallas Cowboys - This unit is not used to being ranked outside of the top 15 in spite of their horrific inability cover or stay healthy in the secondary. But they still have DeMarcus Ware, which means they will get points in the sacks department. This team does still have talent whether they bring it with them into their ridiculous stadium or not, and the reduced expectations should loosen them up some, along with the fact that offensive-minded head coach Jason Garrett actually rejuvenated the defense with his midseason promotion, so they should bounce back.
Those Eggnogged Stepdads That I Mentioned Earlier (a.k.a People to Avoid):
QB - Peyton Manning (IND) - You noticed my utilization of the word "ailing" before, huh? Yes, Manning's neck surgery is more concerning than they are letting on, and the huge contract extension makes it even worse. I'm not saying he isn't a top-5 fantasy quarterback at this point, but the problem is that he has been a top-1 fantasy quarterback up to this point. I am anticipating the 35-year-old's age to finally start catching up with him, and a broken streak of consecutive playoff berths.
RB - Peyton Hillis (CLE) - I nailed it well enough last year with the Madden 11 cover boy - Drew Brees threw too many interceptions and did not deliver enough superstar numerical outings to counteract. Now the curse is passed on to a fan-appreciated Browns' runningback that only has one productive season under his belt and was fading towards the end anyway once people realized that a Cleveland footballer was serious about rushing and scoring. Remember Jerome Harrison? Reuben Droughns? Yeah, Hillis will be taking his talents to Suck Beach.
WR - Brandon Lloyd (DEN) - How in the world did this guy lead the league in receiving yards and wide-out fantasy scoring? And without anyone seeming to care, then or now. Kyle Orton may be the cemented starter currently, but even if he avoids being traded or benched for the nation's best arm in Tim Tebow, him and Lloyd will not experience the same lucky magic.
TE -Tony Gonzalez (ATL) - Dallas Clark of Indy, Jermichael Finley of Green Bay, and Owen Daniels of Houston are all being prematurely rushed back into elite status after their injury-plagued 2010, and yet I'm going with the iron man who has owned the elite status for fifteen years as a 2011 disappointment. The numbers and targets are just simply decreasing, and the Falcons finally have a second respectable option at wide receiver in rookie Julio Jones, so this Gonzo is being alienated to the middle of the pack.
DEF - Philadelphia Eagles - Money does not buy a defense's capability to work cohesively overnight. They may accumulate sacks, turnovers and special teams touchdowns but they will still surrender some points. Asante Samuel will not be happy as a nickelback, they lost Quintin Mikell and they don't have linebackers...oh who am I kidding? They're stacked. I'm bitter. I forced myself to award half-ass compliments to the Dallas Cowboys so I wouldn't feel like a total subjective discredited SOB of a blogger. Whatever. I will not be drafting the Eagles tonight. Happy fantasy freakin' football everybody!